Short Stuff from Issue #8
Shoes, No Cartoons, Animals, Mental Health, “Famous” Quotes, and More Cartoons
This is a really long one, so prepare yourself
Tefflewong Loafers
We may, someday far in the future, begin selling Tefflewong loafers. You’ve never heard of them? Shame on you. Tefflewong loafers are only the most popular shoes in the history of shoes. Why? Probably because the brand name sounds funny; and familiar…
Cartoons Banned in Nod
The government of Nod has done an abominable thing: they have banned cartoons. Governor Horace Jefferson of Nod says this: “Karl Bickerstaff, one of the Meddlesome 3, has offended our people greatly with the cartoon he wrote merely recently. We are huge fans of Star Wars, and the best characters are the Imperial Troopers. Therefore, I ban all cartoons from the entire land of Nod!” This is a very odd thing to do, but then again, Governor Jefferson was never the brightest fellow.
Telepathic Hermit Crab Spotted
It was recently reported that a telepathic hermit crab was spotted on the beaches of Colorado. Witnesses saw a hermit crab, and then, understandably, ran away screaming when it asked them to stop standing in the way of the sun. We are sending some specially trained men to find this hermit crab and send it back to where it belongs. Until then, the Colorado beaches are closed, and all people’s memories of said beaches have been wiped. That may have been a bit excessive, but it was effective.
Squirrel Dies of Heart Attack
This may sound strange, but I watched it happen. It was very sad.
Bickerstaff Claims to be Sane
No one believed Karl Bickerstaff when he claimed to be sane. I mean, how could someone as tall as him not be crazy. Torfis and Tobias did not argue on their friend’s behalf on this matter. They know better than anyone else.
Quotes from Hrothgar
“Why don’t you go get us some doughnuts or something? Cindy’s not likely to get us anything good like that. Maybe you can look around in some antique stores, or buy us a cat. I like cats.”
“Everything is going to be just fine. What could go—wait, do you hear gunfire?”
“Sames! I think I knocked him out! Give me the flashlight. Oh wait, it was Karl.”
“Young Torfis, you’re so simple that you’re ingenious!”
“Oh dear, not again.”
“My goodness, is that an orangutan? I mistook him for Alfred.”
This Week in Church History
July 25, 1593: Henry IV Renounced Protestant Faith
July 26, 1833: Dying Wilberforce Learned Slaves Were Freed
Cartoons by Bickerstaff
