Short Stuff from Issue #10

Homeless Man Appears From Nowhere

An old homeless man who called himself McGucket appeared from nowhere last Thursday. He claimed he was trying to escape the giant, carnivorous carnations, but then he fell down into the perfectly solid, holeless ground. Now we can’t say that we’ve heard this story before, but ever since Tobias Hrothgar began showing people the world we could only imagine before… well, I can’t say things are just as they had been previously in the world. McGucket rambled on about quite a few things for a while, but the one thing that caught our attention was when he spoke the name ‘Hrothgar’. Unfortunately he vanished before our eyes before we could inquire him concerning the matter. All he left behind was the horrid smell of crazy old homeless man, which we still haven’t successfully washed out of the area, but soon.

Wardrobe to Narnia Discovered

We found the wardrobe to Narnia! This is a huge deal, and it helps to prove the McAllister Theory. It was found at a yard sale over in Australia (how it ended up there, I have no idea), and it was being sold for 7 Australian dollars (which is roughly five US dollars). We figured out what it was when the buyer’s dog ran inside and came out shivering, covered in snow. This doesn’t mean that the eternal winter is back, but it must have been winter when the dog ran in. I suspect it’s been about fifty years since then in Narnia. Unfortunately the owner took the wardrobe to the dump, and it’s already been burned down to ash.

Man Dies of Boredom

The title above should tell you about everything. There wasn’t really anything else to it.

Gandalf Spotted in New Zealand

Further sighting will be appreciated, because Gandalf’s pretty cool. I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch an interview with Gandalf? Maybe we can convince him to become an actor, so he can be in the Lord Of The Rings reboot.

Avocados Become a National Symbol

Avocados just recently became a very important national symbol in Nod. Now, this may sound very odd, but let me tell you something: It is very odd. We don’t know how far they’ll go with this symbol. They may turn it into their flag. As everyone who has sense knows, avocados aren’t any good. Most Noddians aren’t sensible though, and the governor is not part of the minority.

News Page Doesn’t Have Anything Good

People have been complaining constantly about how lame the news page is on the HC. Well, we’ve got news for you (pun intended)! We write about Narnia, boredom, squirrels, and much more. Don’t even think about complaining ever again.

Excerpt

Here is an excerpt for an upcoming book of Tobias Hrothgar’s:

The wind whistled through the trees with a sound not unlike that of a breath through a man’s nose hairs.

We hope you enjoyed this excerpt.

Kid of the Month: Karl Bickerstaff

Criminal of the Month: Torfis Teffleman

This Week in Church History

(Source: www.christianity.com/church/church-history/by-date )

August 4, 1642: Megapolensis Lands in the New World August 6, 30: Christ’s Transfiguration August 6, 1866: John Mason Neale Dies August 8, 1852: Rock Island Baptism Births Swedish Baptists

It would seem that Sharks and Minnows is no longer the #1 game in the church yard. Now the #1 game is Soccer. Every week lately, at least whenever the weather was fair, we have played Soccer in the field. Of course, Sharks and Minnows will probably be top whenever Jackson and Lincoln Stahl return, but for now we have Soccer.

Breaking News!

The hula-hoops are all broken! We must investigate this matter, and replace the hula-hoops.

Cartoons by Karl Bickerstaff

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