Ask Anonymous--Issue #9

Dear Anonymous

Why in the world did you let Karl Bickerstaff do this issue? You should have had Torfis Teffleman do it; he seems much more trustworthy.

~ from A Concerned Reader

Dear Concerned

I don’t like your tone. Karl has often proved his trustworthiness to certain people (for examples, wait for Tobias Hrothgar’s book The Ingenious Inception , coming out sometime soon). Also, Torfis is a criminal, and according to Vizzini the Sicilian criminals cannot be trusted.

Dear Anonymous

What do you look like? I’m keeping a collection of everyone I write letters to, and I have drawn a picture for everyone except you.

~ from Myrtle Mugshot

Dear Ms. Mugshot,

You wouldn’t need a picture of me if you hadn’t written to ask what I looked like so you could draw a picture of me. All that aside, I don’t think I’ll tell you what I look like. It would mean that people would be able to burn accurate effigies of me, and I don’t want that to happen. I hope you understand.

Dear Anonymous,

Why in the world do you do this section in the newspaper? You seem like a fairly intelligent person, and I don’t mind the inclusion of the section, but it seems rather pointless. People could just go ask random strangers who aren’t wearing name tags these questions.

~ from Florina Bombaekk

Dear Florina,

That was a rather pointy question, therefore this section can’t be pointless. The main point of this section is to answer pointlessly pointy questions like yours. You’re welcome.