Toby the Timid Tortoise: A Tragic Tale of Trauma and Travail--Issue #9

By Karl Bickerstaff

Toby was a timid tortoise. That much should be obvious from the title of this story.

Toby the timid tortoise lived with his fellow tortoises in the place where he and his fellow tortoises lived. The fellow tortoises were all quite content with the place they lived, their food, and their lives in general.

But not Toby.

For Toby was a very timid tortoise.

He trembled at the shadow of a starling flying overhead.

He trembled at the sight of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

He trembled when he felt the tremor of a trembling earthquake coming (but all the tortoises trembled then, so that was okay).

One day, Toby was out taking a stroll around a peanut tree. This peanut tree was a large and fastidious tree named Charlie. When Toby saw Charlie looking at him, he trembled, for he was a very timid tortoise.

“Hello,” said Charlie.

“You are a peanut tree,” said Toby, for he could think of nothing else to say.

“So I’ve been told,” said Charlie.

“But there is no such thing as a peanut tree,” said Toby.

“So I’ve been told,” said Charlie.

“You never say anything else,” said Toby timidly, for he was afraid that Charlie would take this the wrong way.

“So I’ve been told,” said Charlie.

Timidly, lest his traversing of Charlie’s roots should tickle the great peanut tree, Toby trotted away.

He slowly tromped his way back home, though there were several times when he cowered in timidity before he arrived home. He timidly trembled when an acorn fell five feet away. He timidly trembled when a Brontosaurus nearly stepped on him. He timidly trembled when a great crack opened up in the earth nearby and swallowed up five banana bushes and a skyscraper. But he finally made it home, only to find that a Pterodactyl was sitting on the front doorstep, waiting to be asked a riddle.

And he trembled.