By Rebekah Unger Where I walk, I’m faded, a blur, hardly there. Though I don’t often walk anymore. I’m there, or I’m not. Or I’m somewhere in between, a ghost in the back of her mind. When I am there, even slightly there, it’s always with her. I couldn’t exist without her, literally. I remember when I was strong, and almost solid. So much more there. She was younger.

By Tobias Hrothgar (This story is one that has begun and will probably never be finished. Sorry, but that’s the truth. For similar stories like this look for A Peculiar Undertaking.) ​ “Leonard, we’ve got a serious issue,” Harry said over the walkie-talkie. ​ “Shoot,” I replied. ​ “Sure thing.” A loud bang echoed through the neighborhood. ​ “I didn’t mean literally, you idiot! I meant for you to state your issue!

The Turducken By Sames Muris & Alfred Bob Once upon a time. (Alfred: No no no! That’s a bad beginning.) Well, let me think. One day there was a boy. (Alfred: Oh, rubbish. This story can’t be about a boy.) How about a… turducken! One day there was a turducken. Now, as you might expect, this was not an ordinary turducken. (Alfred: Just a pea pickin’ minute! Why wasn’t he ordinary just like the rest of us?

The Case of Sebastian Salzwedel By Tobias Hrothgar Karl and I quickly walked into the building. I called Cindy, who was sitting at the front desk: “Cindy?” “Sir?” “Search Sebastian Salzwedel. Stat.” “Certainly sir. Spell out the surname.” “S-A-L-Z-W-E-D-E-L. In Schaffhausen, Switzerland.” “Yes, sir. Let’s see: Salzwedel, Sebastian. Something seems strange.” “Say it.” “It says Sebatian slew seventy-six possessed sandwiches.” “Possessed sand–stop. That’s spurious silliness. Is there some seperate Sebastian Salzwedel in Schaffhausen, Switzerland?

Seamus and the Ice Cream Sandwich By Karl Bickerstaff Seamus stared at the hundred dollar bill on the table in front of him. What to do with it? He wasn’t very good at converting between wizard money and normal money in his head, but he figured it was a decent amount. Suddenly, a hand swept out of nowhere and snatched the bill from the table. Seamus, startled, looked up.

The Last Meal THE FOLLOWING IS A RECORDING OF A CONVERSATION BETWEEN TOBIAS HROTHGAR AND TORFIS TEFFLEMAN, THE TWO FAMOUS AUTHORS. EVERYTHING HERE WAS COMPLETELY UNSCRIPTED BEGINNING OF RECORDING Tobias Hrothgar: When I was a boy I found out how to travel through the space-time continuum. Of course, my parents didn’t let me do it much, but they didn’t know it’s not actually all that dangerous if you know how to tie a roper to follow back to your time.

Dear Anonymous, This morning, when I went outside to feed my elephant, I found a strange creature next to the house. I managed to snap this picture of it before it ran away making a strange sound I’ve never heard before: Do you know what this is? ~from Bewildered Dear Bewildered, I’m not sure that I’ve seen this particular species before, but I believe it is related to the Benjamin, which used to be the national animal of Ludere Imperium.

‘Twas a blustering, tedious, philanthropic day When the octopus set sail for the high seas. With him he took, for company, An almanac and a tray of cheese. The wind was coming from three points North And the barometer was low on mercury On that day the octopus sallied forth With his almanac and his tray of cheese. The orangutan was reclining tediously Dreaming of philanthropic cheese When the three point almanac ran away

By Karl Bickerstaff A dark gray Mercedes pulled into the parking garage. It swept through the mostly deserted structure before coming to a halt next to a large concrete pillar. Two men stepped out, one tall and thin, the other shorter and thicker. “And remember, you’ll only have about 10 seconds alone with him in the elevator.” The short man nodded. “That’s plenty of time. Just a quick hit and–” he made a slashing motion at his throat.

Homeless Man Appears From Nowhere An old homeless man who called himself McGucket appeared from nowhere last Thursday. He claimed he was trying to escape the giant, carnivorous carnations, but then he fell down into the perfectly solid, holeless ground. Now we can’t say that we’ve heard this story before, but ever since Tobias Hrothgar began showing people the world we could only imagine before… well, I can’t say things are just as they had been previously in the world.